The commercial. There’s an interior shot of an airplane cabin. 

Every passenger is content:

Smiling at headrest movies. 

Sipping drinks. 

Working on laptops.

Fiddling with overhead knobs.

Everyone’s hair is shiny and clean, and no one is breathing through their mouth.

The commercial focuses in on one man listening to earbuds. His screen says, “Challenging AudioBook Probably in French or Something.” The seat belt light comes on, and the man quickly buckles. 

The shot widens. A woman next to him whispers something. He hands her a set of earbuds labeled, “Backup Earbuds.” On top of being a RuleFollower, he is a PlannerHunk. The woman’s shirt is on backwards. She’s a SloppyCutie. PlannerHunk gives SloppyCutie a teasing but fun ”Oh Brother!” look. 

SloppyCutie gently rubs his forearm with her thumb.

PlannerHunk brings a small glass of Coke-not-Pepsi to his lips. There’s a nudge from behind. He doesn’t spill the drink, thank God. But it’s close.

The camera shot opens to reveal SelfishJoker.

Thankfully, before PlannerHunk can feel the deep shame that comes with avoiding confrontation, BeefyFlightAttendant comes over and slaps SelfishJoker across his face four times.

SelfishJoker looks timidly at his lap and his cup of chocolate milk. 

The next shot shows PlannerHunk and SloppyCutie carefully splitting a complimentary bag of Kellogg’s LooseCrumbs. Behind SloppyCutie, WarmFeet takes his shoes off and places his raw feet on SloppyCutie’s armrests.

BeefyFlightAttendant is there before WarmFeet can even sigh contentedly.

She strikes WarmFeet across the back of his head with a leather sap.

A few seats up, a woman opens a pouch of tuna fish. BeefyFlightAttendant disposes of it and pushes up on the woman’s septum, using a taut piece of fishing line. The woman flails wildly.

UncoveredSneezer gets a hard flick to the eye. 

Won’tLeavePimpleAlone gets his nurples purpled.

PlannerHunk nods appreciatively.

In the next shot, after some time has passed, PlannerHunk dozes, and SloppyCutie absentmindedly eats peanuts while tossing the shells wherever the hell. 

PlannerHunk wakes up to BeefyFlighAttendant marching toward them. Both he and SloppyCutie are terrified.

BeefyFlightAttendant sets a large mousetrap on SloppyCutie’s tray table and motions for SloppyCutie to press on the plastic cheese with her index finger. SloppyCutie starts to cry.

BeefyFlighAttendant grimaces. SloppyCutie looks to PlannerHunk, whose face is softer.

PlannerHunk loves her. She just wasn’t thinking. It could happen to anyone. Not him, but someone.

But she did break the rules.

SloppyCutie stares at his conflicted face until her face becomes resigned to the fact that help is not coming from PlannerHunk.

PlannerHunk’s eyes project the battle he’s fighting between the shame of inaction and the horror of stepping in.

If he takes the punishment for her, BeefyFlightAttendant would undoubtedly punish both of them further. Nothing can be done. What is a romantic gesture if it causes further punishment? SloppyCutie won’t look at PlannerHunk.

The commercial goes to black, and the SternAir logo appears. Then, finally, there’s the distinct sound of a hard, mousetrap snap.