tells me he is thinking of going to Thailand this winter for the
whores. Nothing about this man surprises me. He
important segment of the rock music industry. He has power
I have none. We are in bed in this fancy Monte Carlo
The halls have birds in the wallpaper and bird chirps that come from a
sound system. He has mentioned the chirps annoy
drapes are open and blowing a little from a sultry breeze off the
But you and I are so good, he’s saying.
What do I need a Thai whore for, when I have you? He’s
slowly between my legs.
I want to say: Are you for real?
That this makes me feel terrible. Is he saying I’m a
whore? Has he paid for me? No.
Has he bought my
airline ticket? No. He has bought me food and will
hotel bill. Period. I don’t think it’s quite the
category as paying for a whore. I almost loved you, my mind
I push the sheet off.
What’s the matter? he says.
Nothing. I have to use the bathroom.
Make sure you wipe front to back, he says.
Yes, I know about front to back. I was well brought up.
He laughs. Of course you were. I just needed
something to break the ice.
turn and look at him. Naked on top of the covers.
He has a
full erection. Hurry in there, he says. I need you
Now there’s an interesting word coming from this man. I
looking at his erection. Large, and does the job it’s
for. What does that make him?
Don’t be mad, he’s saying.
I’m not mad.
You have a gorgeous body. Don’t be mad about the whores.
I could care less about the whores, I say. But you should
worry. You should worry about catching a fatal disease.
I’m thinking he will never have me again. Not after the
whores. I step into the bathroom; towels cover the floor
damp crooked-carpet nightmare.
It’s his thing—spreading
out the wet towels after showering. I want to say, But the
marble feels good underfoot. I may have asked why the towels,
some point. Whether he answered, I can’t
wide bathroom mirror is glazed with smoky vines along its
My face in the mirror looks the same. My body.
one-piece swimsuit has left an almost obscene bleached version of my
skin contrasted against its tan parts. Other than that, I’m
same. Good, bad, indifferent, I don’t seem to
this some personal flaw? I would like just once for him to
the true me. But I also know it would ruin
whores will ruin everything if he goes to them. If he
will ruin everything. One way or another, it’s poised to